That Voice Telling You You’re Not Enough Is Lying
Intrusive beliefs are the lies your trauma tells you. They’re the negative narratives that play on repeat in your mind, so automatic you barely notice them anymore: “I’m not smart enough.” “I always mess things up.” “Nobody really cares about me.” “I’m too damaged to be loved.” This negative self-talk becomes the background noise of your life, shaping your decisions, limiting your possibilities, and sabotaging your relationships before they have a chance to flourish.
These intrusive thoughts feel true because they’re familiar. They’ve been with you so long they seem like facts rather than interpretations. They’ve become part of how you see yourself — not as opinions or outdated programming, but as reality. But here’s the truth: they’re stories, not facts (Four Tops, 1973). And stories can be rewritten. The inner critic that’s been narrating your life needs to be played off the stage.
The Origin of Limiting Beliefs
Understanding where these cognitive distortions come from is essential to overcoming them. Most intrusive beliefs aren’t original thoughts — they’re inherited. Maybe a parent, overwhelmed by their own struggles, told you that you’d never amount to anything. Maybe a teacher’s low expectations became your ceiling. Maybe repeated experiences of disappointment taught you not to hope. Maybe the weight of being a Black man in America, constantly underestimated and over-policed, convinced you that you had to be twice as good while half-believing you could never measure up.
These messages sink deep into our subconscious mind during formative years when you lack the critical thinking skills to question them. A child can’t evaluate whether their father’s harshness reflects reality or the father’s own unhealed wounds. A teenager can’t fully recognize that societal messages about Black male intelligence are lies designed to maintain systems of oppression, not accurate assessments of capability (Kunjufu, 1985, Vaughans & Spielberg, 2014). So, these beliefs take root, and over time, they feel like truth because they’re all you’ve known.
Catching the Thought
The first step in overcoming limiting beliefs is catching the thought. You can’t rethink what you don’t notice. Start paying attention to your internal dialogue, especially in moments of stress, challenge, or opportunity. What’s the automatic narrative that shows up when you consider applying for that promotion? What does your inner voice say when someone expresses interest in you romantically? What thoughts flood your mind when you make a mistake?
That automatic narrative is the belief you need to examine. For many men, this requires developing emotional intelligence and self-awareness — skills that weren’t modeled or encouraged. You might notice that your thoughts are harshest right before potential growth moments, almost as if the intrusive belief is trying to keep you safe by keeping you small.
Terrence is a thirty-five-year-old marketing professional who consistently sabotages his own advancement. Every time he’s considered for leadership roles, he finds ways to disqualify himself before anyone else can. He downplays his achievements in interviews, defers to less qualified colleagues, or convinces himself the role wasn’t right for him anyway. These intrusive beliefs run his life: “I’m not leadership material. People like me don’t get those positions.”
When Terrence started therapy, his therapist asked him to track his thoughts for a week. He was shocked to discover how often that belief surfaced — dozens of times daily, in subtle and obvious ways. During meetings, it whispered that his ideas weren’t good enough to share. During networking events, it insisted he didn’t belong. During performance reviews, it minimized every accomplishment. Once he saw the pattern, he couldn’t unsee it. The belief that had operated invisibly for years was suddenly exposed.
Questioning the Evidence
Next, question the evidence. Where did this belief originate? Terrence traced his back to his father, who constantly told him that Black men couldn’t afford to stand out, that drawing attention meant drawing dange r. His father’s fear, born from real experiences of racism, had become Terrence’s ceiling. The belief wasn’t about Terrence’s actual capabilities — it was inherited trauma dressed up as wisdom.
Ask yourself: Is this belief actually true now, or is it outdated programming? Would you say this to your son, your nephew, your younger self? If not, why are you saying it to yourself? The standards we apply to our own inner dialogue are often crueler than anything we’d except for people we love. This double standard reveals the belief for what it is — not truth, but internalized pain seeking to protect you through limitation.
Reframing with Truth
Then reframe with truth — not toxic positivity, but actual reality. The goal isn’t to swing from “I’m worthless” to “I’m perfect.” That kind of overcorrection isn’t believable to your subconscious, and it won’t stick. Instead, aim for balanced, evidence-based reframes.
Instead of “I always mess things up,” try “I’ve made mistakes and I’ve also succeeded. I’m learning and growing.” Instead of “Nobody cares about me,” try “I have people who love me, even if I struggle to receive it sometimes.” Instead of “I’m not leadership material,” Terrence began practicing: “I have valuable experience and perspective. I’ve led projects successfully. I’m as qualified as anyone else being considered.”
The reframe should be believable and grounded in evidence. Look for counterexamples to the intrusive belief. Terrence started keeping a “wins” document — every successful project, every positive feedback, every moment he’d demonstrated leadership. When the old belief surfaced, he had concrete evidence to counter it.
The Ongoing Practice
This mental health work is ongoing. Intrusive beliefs don’t disappear after one reframe — they’ve had years, sometimes decades, to entrench themselves. The neural pathways are deep and well-traveled. But each time you catch and challenge them, you weaken their power. Each time you replace the lie with truth, you build new neural pathways. Over time, the healthier thought patterns become more accessible, and the intrusive beliefs lose their automatic grip.
Therapy helps immensely with this healing journey, particularly approaches like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) that specifically address thought patterns and cognitive distortions. A skilled therapist can help you identify beliefs you’ve become blind to and provide tools for reframing. For Black men specifically, finding a therapist who understands the intersection of racial trauma and personal history can be transformative.
Community also accelerates this work. Programs like ICBM Workshops create spaces where hearing other men’s intrusive beliefs helps you recognize your own. There’s power in discovering that the lies you thought were uniquely yours are shared experiences. Journaling creates space to externalize and examine these thoughts — getting them out of your head and onto paper makes them easier to evaluate objectively. Meditation and mindfulness practices help you observe thoughts without being controlled by them, creating distance between you and the inner critic.
Choosing Better Stories
Your beliefs shape your reality. If you believe you’re not worthy of love, you’ll push away people who try to get close. If you believe you’re not smart enough, you won’t pursue opportunities that require intellectual risk. If you believe you’re too damaged, you won’t invest in your own healing and personal development. The intrusive belief becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy — not because it was ever true, but because you acted as if it were.
But the reverse is also true. If you believe you’re capable, you’ll rise to challenges. If you believe you’re worthy of love, you’ll let people in. If you believe you can heal and grow, you’ll do the work.
Rethink the intrusive beliefs. Challenge the inner critic. Choose better stories — there are millions of them (Originals, 1977). Your trauma shouldn’t get to write your future — you should. Our lives change as our thoughts transform. The voices that have been telling us we’re not enough have been lying all along. It’s time to stop believing them and show them the door.
Fredrick Bush, LCSW, has over a decade of experience empowering Black men, women, and couples to navigate their personal growth and relationships. He is the founder of Eidolon Therapeutic Counseling, LLC (eidolon.help) and creator of the ICBM Workshop Series (icbmale.com). Bush also hosts the On Being Black Men (OBBM) podcast.
Date posted: December 16, 2025
Author: Fredrick Bush